


Strahd von Zarovich Eats a Rat

by forollkin, RevenantWings



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Curse of Strahd, Gen, Strahd eats a rat, That's it, no really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27251683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forollkin/pseuds/forollkin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevenantWings/pseuds/RevenantWings
Summary: Strahd gets bored one day and eats a rat.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	Strahd von Zarovich Eats a Rat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Red_Shepherds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Shepherds/gifts).



> Forollkin and I read "Rahadin Eats a Bug" by Red_Shepherds and were so inspired that we had to follow up with a satire of our own

One cloudy day in Barovia, Strahd found himself more bored than usual.

 _Hm_ , he thought, looking around his sad depression palace. _What could I do to pass some time?_

Of course, there were always his consorts. Strahd, however, grew tired of them. Ludmilla only cared about her magic, while Escher was kind of an annoying twink. Fun to be around on occasion, but mostly without substance. As Strahd skulked the halls, the sound of footsteps alerted him suddenly to the presence of someone else. He glanced to the side.

The skull mask was a dead give away. “Oh, Volenta,” Strahd said. “Fancy meeting you here.”

His youngest bride was busy scuttling around the floors on all fours, as she did so often. Honestly, it looked kind of fun.

“Hmm.” Volenta ignored him, clearly she was focused on something of much higher importance. Strahd watched as she ran across the floors like a weird horse, chasing a creature much smaller than herself. It was a rat.

 _Why did I marry a horse girl?_ Strahd thought to himself. _They always act like this._ It was a good idea at first, due to roleplay options in the bedroom, but then became another regret.

Strahd continued to watch. It was…. evocative, almost. It brought him back to a time in his youth when he would run around on all fours in the training grounds while Rahadin tried to stop him. Rahadin was always jealous of course, it was hard for him to play with that ham ass of his. He was dummy thicc and the slap of his ass cheeks was always too potent. Strahd realized, with a start, that he wanted to join Volenta.

He twisted his ancient, brittle body and got down on his haunches-- _ah,_ he could feel it. Something good. Embracing once more his inner wolfsona from childhood, he darted forward, slamming Volenta out of the way with ease as he pursued the rat. It was plump, kind of like Biggie Cheese from the hit film ‘Barnyard’ (2006).

Strahd plucked the rat up off the ground with a flourish. Giving a wide-eyed smile to his pleased audience he swiftly stuffed it down his gullet while the animal gave a terrified squeak. The squeaks sounded almost like the song _Mr. Boombastic,_ but in a much higher pitched voice.

The rat writhed and thrashed as it disappeared down the gaping black hole. Strahd was almost grateful for his lack of gag reflex (he’d been practicing with Escher) and was able to swallow it with only mild discomfort. Thank the Morning Lord for Cosmo magazine.

The rat gave a popping noise as it slipped past his uvula and flew down his esophagus like a champion snowboarder chasing the powder through a series of moguls. It hit Strahd’s stomach with a 10/10 dive and for the first time in a long while, he felt truly satisfied.

 _Ah,_ he thought. _Tranquility._


End file.
